Totally everyone else’s efforts, but so sharable…

The Washington Post annually asks readers to submit alternative meanings to common words.
Here are a few of the winners…

Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence (n), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.

Oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Freibeetarianism (n), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

and my favourite…

Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.