Oh, get over yourselves… ;)

When she was good,
She was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid

This is about some of those girl secrets we don’t really talk about. However, Impery is an asexual activity, so there can be no sacred cows, sows or fraus.

Now: girl-on-girl politics are fraught. I’m talking about how women treat one another in the street, the workplace, family, socially – when they don’t yet know each other.

Ladies, you know what I mean. It’s that split-second assessment which is informed only through peripheral vision and an acute ear for nuance, accent, breath rate and – vitally, subconsciously monitored – a sense of humour. Uhuh. I’ll come back to that in a moment.

Not persuaded? Think mother-in-law meets daughter-in-law for the first time. Think old female friend meets new girlfriend. Think new woman colleague – or new woman boss. Eeeurgh: tense, fraught and rich potential for disaster, insomnia, bitching and misery for all within a one-mile radius (or six degrees of separation).

And yup, you’re right, I’ve implicitly got men in each scenario. Before, gents, you start rubbing your hands together in glee, imagining we fight over you, let me make it clear that we don’t. This is actually nothing to do with you; you are incidental. This is about female pecking order, assessing power and threat – but also assessing complementariness. Hence the humour comment a moment ago.

We’re not assessing each other or competing over men – it’s over everything

…Bear with me.

As any fule kno (and chaps, you have surely seen this), the minute that two women who have met for the first time realise that they like and get on with each other, it is a huge and genuine relief. It’s a friend, an ally: and it’s important because a female enemy is far worse than a male one. Why do I say that? It’s not that women are their own worst enemies; they are anyone‘s worst enemy. And they are also the best friends (and lovers).

Hence the humour thing. If you sense you can have a laugh with a new woman acquaintance, all bitching bets are off. But perhaps that’s just a TLI characteristic? Please, dear readers, tell me I’m not wrong….

Mind you, I will happily be contradicted by:

(a) lesbians who say women are just as rubbish as men as lovers (i.e., they can’t read minds either);

(b) errrr…..hmmm. OK, contradict me anyway…

I think men’ll get the next opinionated set of paragraphs, just to even up the balance. Any material welcome.