“Nothing flatters like knowing you’ve been truly thought of” – anon

593x231eatcake.jpgNow, let’s get real. When was the last time you got a Valentine from a secret admirer? When was the last time you sent one secretly? Is there anyone here who doesn’t worry about being stalked or looking like one?

Girls, wouldn’t you be a tad suspicious of the guy who delivered 2 dozen red roses (and worry about his lack of imagination)? Gents, what about the girl who leaves a not-very-enigmatic “witty” card on your desk (worse: with some perfume sprayed on it)? Not very attractive, really, are they? Or is that just me being impish?

As the Imp was ranting a few days ago, there’s a hell hole that can be Valentine, if you wanna play thick. What you do – and even the not-doing of it – says so much about what you feel. Or at least, it will be read that way, so you’re buggered, either way. In which case, you may as well do something that is really you, rather than play the role of the Stepford Wife:

She – Oh, baby.
He – Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
She – Make me beg!
He – Yeah!
She – Oh, I’m so lucky!
He – Oh, my God.
She – Oh, you’re the king!
He – Yes!

250px-cold_feet_rose.jpgAhem. So…

  • send a Mars Bar, half-eaten (no last Rolo shit, please);
  • pay your friends to be a bawdy Barber Shop quartet;
  • stick a rose up your bum;
  • take your lurve/lust object up against the fridge or to the top of a tree

…But for God’s sake, use your noodle – it’s the best compliment you could give, no matter how big or small the outcome. Go on…